Wishes of a Child, Dreams of an Adult

    Sometimes, I hear the words "wishful thinking". Whenever I hear unfamiliar words, my instinct is to find out what it means. Those words mean it is "an attitude or belief that something you want to happen will happen even though it is not likely or possible" (Encyclopedia Britannica). Admittedly, it led me to learn things I couldn't help but wish I could unlearn, even if it's impossible. But it was fun to widen my vocabulary and be at ease, knowing the fact I know how the word must be used, in what kind of context it would make sense in, etc.

    Even when I was younger, I had wished for things and dreamed of reaching certain goals. For example, I wished to be able to see one of my best friends during vacation. It was very rare for me to leave the house, so I make the most of any opportunity that comes by. And as I had wished, my best friend happened to be at the same place I went! There were simple wishes like we'd get to buy snacks I like and a bit more complicated kind of wishes, like the judges of the contests I join would be patient and willing to see through my performances. I had wishes that weren't fulfilled too. It's a part of life I had come to accept, though it still stings from time to time.

    What I did notice is how different my wishes were when I was younger and my wishes now. My dreams too, were much more different. And it's not just my goals in life, but also the dreams I have in my sleep. My wishes when I was younger were very general and simple, one would think it is not a wish at all. My wishes now have depth and focus. It is specific and made to benefit as many people as possible, even if it won't benefit me. I would wish... that the misfortunes that fall upon me, would not be endured by others. It would be better if I endured it all, because even if it hurts, at least it would only be me. Yet that kind of wish... would be impossible to be fulfilled. Everywhere around the world, there is someone suffering more or less like me. My dreams as I slept when I was younger were very detailed and leaned more towards fantasy and adventure. My dreams now were... still detailed but such a chaotic mess. Nothing makes sense in it. My goals in life when I wad younger were rather... high. To be a scientist or maybe an astronomer. Now... all I hope is that there will be even a bit less suffering in my life, maybe even that my life would end eventually as painless as possible.

    I guess the main difference in the two is that because of my age, my expectations, what I know of this world, they all contributed to such an obvious difference, which is how positive or negative I think. As time passed, life really changed my views, my way of thinking... that I couldn't help but think my wishes back then and now can be quite selfish or even impossible. Or maybe this is my pessimistic attitude thinking this way. I couldn't tell anymore who I was, who I am, and who I would be. So many experiences, so many fulfilled and unfulfilled wishes and goals... and the fact I wear a mask each time made me question what is real. Now, one of my frequent wishes is that I would wake up feeling less horrified from my nightmares.

The link of the image used: http://keepcalmand-party-on.tumblr.com/page/2 )

The date the image is used: June 8, 2023, 8:51 am

The date the blog is posted with the picture: June 8, 2023, 8:55 am